Opening Line
Be the best you can be on the cheap!
The Setup
Let's say you have a race coming up that perhaps you have not trained for. Even better would be a race that includes a rival that continuously puts you down. Either way, time is short and your success in this particular event could cause women to weep (right before they swoon), male figures to nod their head approvingly, and young boys (or girls) wanting to be you.
"But Jamoosh" you moan, "that 10K is this coming weekend." Stop your whining and let's go to the movies. Because, if there is one thing that movies have taught us it's that you really don't have to train all that long to reach your goal. The key is actually training hard for short periods of time in a variety of places. In essence, you need to make your own montage and convince your body that you have done much, much more. And, of course, you need great theme music.
Theme Song
You must have a theme song. Find an 80's movie and you will be good to go. Perhaps Joe Esposito's "You're the Best Around" from the Karate Kid (You're the best, AROUND!). Maybe "Eye of the Tiger" from you know where. If you're female you can use "Maniac" from Flashdance (Just a steel town girl on a Saturday night...). Other 80's songs work too. Don't forget classics such as "The Final Countdown" (Europe) or "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" (Starship). Kickin' in those afterburners? Consider "Danger Zone" from Top Gun and if you are running in slow motion, score "Chariot's of Fire" by Vangelis.
Your theme music must motivate you and leave others around you standing still in awe. Theme music is the background to your inspiration. When you run by women should faint and men should go sterile in your wake.
You get the idea.
Just a random note, females with personality disorders may want to reconsider "Maniac" and perhaps choose "What a Feeling" instead. I mean, everything's literal, obviously.
The Montage
When it comes to a montage, the more places the better. And if you can arrange for differing weather conditions, you are on your way to a great race day experience. Remember, we are tricking the audience your body into thinking it has done so much more than it really has. Really, how else do you think you are going to train for a 10K in three days; please.
A good place to start is your local track. One hard lap is all that is required. All you need is for someone to see you at the track. Putting your kids in the stands is a good touch and from long range, nobody will know they aren't pint-sized adults. Also, if your friend or significant other can film you charging out of the turn, even better.
Next you can move to your local park. Remember, the idea is that you run hard for a short distance. There is no need to run all over the park (I mean really, who's that for anyway?). In this case, I recommend running to the drinking fountain. A classic move would be to slowly wipe your brow, giving off the perception of a strenuous work out. Again, if you can catch that move on film, the better you will be for it. In fact, you may want to call the teenager down the street to digitally add in perspiration.
The city street is always a good idea and you have several options. First is the early morning run, where steam vents in the background all but obscure your black shadow pulsing from street light to street light on wet streets. Further, if there are steps at City Hall, feel free to run to the top if you are not out of breath. Don't forget machinery such as street cleaners or garbage trucks add to the authenticity of your run.
The second option is the daylight dash. Be careful to choose a time when onlookers will be minimal and spread out so your speed will not be hampered. Grabbing a random person's drink to slake your thirst will always add to the moment. Be sure not to over exert yourself and if you think stealing a random person's drink could result in violence, have a getaway car waiting.
Regardless of which option you choose, only run a few blocks. As a matter of fact, if you choose option one, add to the effect by doing a block or two in your neighborhood as the sun rises. This creates the illusion that you ran from your home to downtown and back. Hopefully, your body will believe it too.
By this time you will have run only a few hundred yards, but in montage form that's equal to about 50 miles. Can you feel the burn? Good. You are almost done.
Nature is calling and a day at the beach should be on the agenda. Here you can show off your focus as you run along the shoreline, thoroughly blind to the oiled hardbodies lounging in the sand (Think Matt Damon in the Bourne Supremacy). In fact, a good cinematographer will blur the glistening extras in this segment, showing only you and your fierce determination.
Finally, you need to find a hill. A pretty darn big hill with a view at the top. Also, it would be very beneficial if you could carry a log or perhaps a young child on your shoulders as you lumber up said hill. Be aware that running up the hill is not the most important thing (unless the kid you are carrying has to pee). What is important is that we see the exhaustion in your body, but the resolve on your face as the camera pulls back showing you alone at the top of the hill and revealing a large valley all around you.
Congratulations, you have done it. In what feels like only moments (or the length of your theme song to be exact), you have trained for the race of your life. Reward is sure to follow.
Hope and Prayer
Cue your theme music and cut to race day. We're all pulling for you. Grandmothers want their Grand-daughters or Grandsons to marry you. Your rival's confidence is strong, but he is unaware of your montage training sequence. The unknown lingers in the air around a hushed crowd. We detect a hint of explosiveness in your loins. I need go no further; we know how this ends up because "you are the best, AROUND!"
Listening to: White Room - Cream
Posted in my own montage where I acutally stop running on the beach to chat with Jessica Alba
